I don’t know about you but I grew up believing emotions were gross. I had this idea that if you talked about your feelings, you were weak. Every time someone asked me to open up to them I felt like they were asking me to take my clothes off. I literally felt like being vulnerable was stripping down to nothing and standing naked in front of millions of people. I was that terrified and turned off by it.
It wasn’t until the Lord showed me that being vulnerable to others brings freedom to not only you but them as well.
I was with my ADPi Bible Study gals last night, and just a side note – those people amaze me. They taught me how to be vulnerable and accept love even when I feel I don’t deserve it. They are the reason I have gathered up the courage to talk about the things I do today.
Anyways, last night’s topic was vulnerability. It was about how to be vulnerable and what comes from it. I shared from my own experience a little bit and I gave an example that I haven’t shared with people before. If I am being honest with you, I didn’t even realize how God used this example to bring freedom until after I said it out loud.
I am not sure if you have read my testimony or not. It was the first article I have ever posted and also the first time I have ever shared anything about my past with anyone let alone the whole social media world. But I want to share with you again a little of what happened and how it led to breakthrough for me and someone very special in my life.
My senior year of high school I was in a very bad relationship and I ended up getting pregnant. I didn’t know Jesus at the time and decided to get an abortion. This time in my life was incredibly lonely and dark especially because I kept it hidden.
After hiding what I had done for three years and then forming a personal relationship with Jesus, He told me I had to tell people what He has done since then. But first He said, “Go and tell your mom.”
Now if you’re anything like me, your mom is the last person you want to tell something like that. My mom feels every emotion so strongly and I could not bear to see her take on this burden that I had already been healed from. But I had no choice. When God says go, you go.
So, last March we were sitting at a Thai restaurant eating our favorite, Pho soup. God was speaking to me louder than ever and I just kept hearing Him say, “Tell her.”
I gathered up the courage and said, “Mom I know you don’t know a whole lot about what happened to me before I knew Jesus but He is telling me that I have to tell you something. I got pregnant my senior year of high school and I had an abortion. I didn’t tell anyone except Lindsay (my sister) and it is not your fault. I have felt God telling me to tell more people about my story.”
Her face just kind of went blank. The first words out of her mouth were, “I have something to tell you too.” And then she went on, “When my dad died last year, I never got to tell him this and it is one of my biggest regrets, because well your Grampie is up there with my babies too. And I wish I could have told him so that when he went to Heaven he would know who is waiting there for him.” In that moment, I had come to find out that my mom had experienced what I had more than once.
I was the first person she had told this to and it was all because of one’s willingness to be vulnerable. As my mom finally got this off her chest and as we were able to talk about how we both had overcome those obstacles alone at the time but now together, I could sense the freedom that we both felt in that very moment. We weren’t alone. We are never alone.
I heard this quote in a sermon that has changed my perspective on vulnerability,
“When we confess our sins to God we are forgiven. But when we confess our sins to each other we are healed.”
And that is exactly what me and my mom are. We are healed. Because when you take the chances of opening up your heart to someone, when you strip yourself of pride and shame, you come to find out that you were never really alone. We all have different stories but we have the same God. We have a God that gave us each other, you and me, for a reason. And that reason is so we can walk through this healing process together. It is so we can experience the freedom that is awaiting us.
Sharing your past, your failures, and all your junk doesn't only bring you the freedom and healing that the Lord is so clearly offering us, but it reminds others that they're not alone in this broken world.