I want to be completely honest with you right now. Only because I know that when we put on a front, we can’t reach people, we can’t relate, and most of all we can’t reflect the goodness of Jesus.
So with that being said, I am going to flat out tell you that I am STRUGGLING. More than I have in a very long time too. I ask myself why all of a sudden. I ask God why He feels the need to make me feel this way now. Last night I was laying in my bed wondering why God has brought back all of these emotions that I thought He had healed in my heart MONTHS ago. Let me tell you how angry I was with the Lord last night…I straight up told Him that He was the last person I wanted to talk to. It’s okay though, He can handle it.
I have been struggling with feelings, emotions and temptations for the past seven days like no other. I haven’t felt these feelings in so long that I have become overwhelmed with sadness and confusion. Why now?
About a week ago, I was asked to come speak to high school-aged girls in October about my testimony and what it’s like to find happiness in Christ rather than in a relationship with a boy. When I was handed that opportunity, I was overjoyed. I was in tears over the way I am physically watching the Lord work miracles in my life. He is literally making my dreams come true by allowing me to reach younger girls in the midst of the darkness.
But that is where the enemy comes in. He likes to show up when we are at our highest and lowest points of our lives. He is waiting for a moment of weakness, ready to attack. I would say about a week ago, I was more joyful than I had been in a long time. I felt God’s love and compassion over my life from the second I woke up to the moment I laid my head down.
When we see God leading our lives into a purposeful one, one that blesses others and increases our love for him, we need to watch out. We have to keep our eyes open because that is when the enemy sweeps in.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
I have been waking up every morning for the last seven days at 6:30 on the DOT. Every. Single. Morning. “Why so early?” you must ask. Well, after a long night of crying with the greatest roommate of all time sitting by my side (seriously she has the comfiest shoulder to cry on, you rock Ashley), I woke up with a complete revelation. God had woken me up once again at the same exact time because He knows how dangerous of a time this is in my life. He is showing me that when you are experiencing highs in your life and you are growing in your relationship with Him like never before, the enemy will use his tactics to steal, kill, and destroy.
When you are seeing God work in your life and when He is revealing things to you left and right, the enemy WILL use those weak spots. 1 Peter 5:8 says to rejoice in your sufferings because they produce endurance which produces character and then produces hope.
Be hopeful about what the Lord is doing in your life. Be excited about the ways God is using you in your group of friends, sorority or fraternity, and even on your campus. But be alert. Spend that extra time with God, especially if He is waking you up at the same time every morning. Listen to what He is trying to tell you. He is going to blow our minds with the plans He has for us, but He is also commanding us to put on the full armor of God. The enemy is threatened by what God is doing through you.
Let’s quit making the enemy’s job easy for him and start putting our foot down. Let’s stand firm and run this race together. The trial that God is fighting for you has already been won. And that is our victory.
Sharing your past, your failures, and all your junk doesn't only bring you the freedom and healing that the Lord is so clearly offering us, but it reminds others that they're not alone in this broken world.